Final Arrangements

Of all the topics associated with end-of-life planning, final arrangements may be the most uncomfortable. I sometimes call it the ickiest task of all.

Perhaps that is because making these decisions asks us to do something we would rather avoid: imagine our own death—not abstractly, but specifically. Where will my body go? What do I want done with it? Who needs to know? And then, perhaps hardest of all, we have to talk about those choices with the people we love.

It is much easier to leave all of that for another day. That was certainly true for me.

I once thought the principal choice was simply between burial and cremation. But while developing the Legacy Essential Tasks workbook, I came to appreciate how many choices and variations now exist and should be considered—including traditional burial, cremation, military burial, mausoleums, green burial, and natural organic reduction.

The particular choice matters less than making it—and sharing it.

Earlier this year, I spoke at an end-of-life planning workshop at a local church attended by about 40 people. To illustrate this point, I took an informal survey.

First, I asked how many had decided what they wanted done with their remains. Most hands went up.

Then I asked how many had shared that decision with their loved ones. About 20% of the hands went down.

Finally, I asked how many had actually made their final arrangements.

Only four hands went up.

Mine was not among them.

That stayed with me. I thought about my wife, Kim, whom I adore. When I die, she will have countless things to deal with while she is grieving. Should making my final arrangements be one of them?

The answer was obvious.

So I put on my big-boy pants and made the arrangements myself.

Now, when the time comes, she has a phone number to call. A compassionate voice at the other end will arrange to pick up my body, wherever in the world it may be, and guide her through the paperwork and the steps that follow.

To my surprise, it was far easier than I had imagined.

The only hard part was making the first call. My love for Kim gave me the courage to do that.

What had felt like confronting my own death became something quite different. My discomfort was replaced by relief that the arrangements had been made—and by knowing that, when the time comes, Kim will have one less difficult decision to make.

Choose thoughtfully,
Share with those you love,
And give them the gift of peace of mind.